In the Bible, the Israelites lived in bondage and slavery in Egypt. Then, God showed up, turned their world upside down, and set them free. Freedom, however, did not look like what they hoped—first they had to journey into the wilderness. They did not know where they were going. They did not know where their food would come from. It felt like everything they knew was being threatened. At any moment, they could starve, burn up in the desert heat, or be devoured by beasts in the nighttime darkness.

But, they had the Pillar. Day after day, God led them in a Pillar of Cloud and Fire, feeding them manna and setting a course to a Promised Land. Had they known what the journey would cost them—forty years of wandering—they likely would have remained in bondage (in fact, they longed to turn back!), but instead God led them day by day into a life sweeter than they could have ever imagined. Their job was simply to Follow the Pillar, trusting and hoping that something better than they could imagine lay in their future.

Welcome to Follow the Pillar, a resource and gathering place for those on the road to recovery from sexual brokenness and betrayal.  If you have found us, I can only assume you are somewhere on that journey—whether it be struggling with pornography, living in the years-long painful aftermath of an affair, or facing up to the reality of full-blown sexual addiction (in your spouse or in yourself). Our desire is that Follow the Pillar will prove a source of hope, comfort, and information for you.  

Over five years ago, my darkest secrets were dragged into the light. That day—when everything I had seemed to be burning to the ground—was the day that set me on the path to freedom and life. My wife loaded up the kids and left the state. I faced a million questions from my friends and family. And I knew (or was beginning to know) that I needed help. I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. I was a person with grand strategic plans, but now everything was confused and out of my control. What I needed was to take the next step for that day, to give up control and walk into the unknown—I needed to Follow the Pillar.

Here, you will find our story, which walks through my journey of recovery from sexual addiction, as well as my wife’s own journey through the pain of lies and betrayal. We will share what we’ve learned and are continuing to learn on the journey as well as resources that have been beneficial to us.  No matter where you are in the struggle or the road of healing from betrayal, we hope you will find something here for you. 

If you are new to this, there is hope! Don’t give up. You are not alone. Reach out to us. Tell us your story. Keep coming back. And it is our prayer that not only will you find comfort and hope, but will eventually find healing, freedom, peace, and (though it may seem unlikely to you right now) eventually joy.